Licensed to ill
I ended up being off work for 4 days, with today being my first day back.
It’s weird being home ill for an extended period. I realise some people spend months, years even at home sick but for me 4 days is an unprecedented spell under the cosh of illness. My other half was home for 2 of the days, but for the other 2 I was alone. You’d think that time would drag with nobody to talk to, no human interaction to enjoy, but in fact it raced away from me. My eyes started to crinkle from internet fatigue (there’s only so much F5-ing on Facebook and posting crap on messageboards you can do) and the TV is so shockingly bad that you start dreaming up ways of murdering your neighbours just for something to do. The house starts to take on an odd smell too. Recycled breath and unwashed cups and bed socks mixed in with germs, unbrushed hair and boredom.
My first steps out of the house yesterday afternoon to nip to my local Sainsbury’s were momentous. Such was their significance, I half-expected to see bollards erected and buoyant crowds lining my three-minute walk to the shop, cheering me on and waving old blankets with my face or messages of support scrawled upon them.
On starting my shopping, I saw a great magazine cover, featuring Jordan aka Katie Price. The pull quote headline was “I think rapists should be raped, the death penalty’s great and Obama’s not fit!”. Pictured was La Price draped in an American flag. What a wonderful headline. It was a bit like reading a toilet wall. I’m not particularly surprised that Jordan has these opinions (although, “the death penalty’s great”? Really? How? On toast? As a draught excluder?), more that she gets asked about them. What with messageboards, communities, forums, blogs, feedback forms, feeds, status updates etc, we’re being asked our opinion on a continual basis. Rather worryingly, I think I’m running out of opinions. I need new ones. Do I think Obama is fit?
Being outside again had a profound effect on me. Having brought no list, I wandered around the supermarket’s three aisles like a Stepford wife for about half an hour, oohing and aahing at products I’ve seen a thousand times before. Naturally, I left spending more than I had intended and forgetting half of what I went in for.