Show me the way to go home
Boris Johnson, London’s new mayor, has decided to ban drinking alcohol on the tube. From 1 June, if you’re caught drinking on the tube…er…well, no-one’s too sure what happens or how this will be enforced, but, um, you might get fined, or perhaps out in stocks or thrown under the next Victoria line train or something.
Of all the things that need sorting out in London, I’m not altogether sure that boozing on the Tube is the most pressing. People do drink on the tube, yes, but this is usually more to do with the fact that it takes an hour to get anywhere if you live out in the suburbs than the primal urge to get pissed out of your mind on public transport. In handing down this edict, Lord Boris (as he no doubt will be one day) spoke of the intimidation that Tube-travelling people feel thanks to fellow passengers drinking alcohol. Er, no. You can tell Boris and his cronies don’t step onto the Northern line very much.
There are definitely times when drunks can be loud and overbearing, but these people are usually ALREADY pissed. Sober people don’t get on the Tube with a six pack and go round and round the Circle line getting more and more inebriated terrorising law-abiding citizens. Getting wasted on the Tube isn’t a social event. To really combat the problem of drunks on the underground, you’d have to breathalyse all passengers at the turnstiles. Drinking on the Tube isn’t the issue, it’s the drunks who get paralytic before they get on.
If you were to stop boozers getting on the Tube, you might as well close it at 8 every night, as there’d only be a few librarians from Ealing getting on and making a journey.
I don’t get the Tube and when I do, I don’t drink alcohol, but this law seems to be nothing more than a new way for the chattering classes in the suburbs to cock a snook at the inner Londoners who loved Ken so much. “Take that, you rotters!” they’re no doubt calling out. On horseback. With a dead fox under each arm.
Can we ban something useful next please, oh mayoral one? Like, maybe, YOU.